I want to share this because someone should say it. I wrote Judgement Day after my rape. I wrote it to deal with the emotional trauma and to come to a place of forgiveness. But the song wasn't about my attackers, it was about my best friend. After my assault she cut off all contact with me. She said that I had a drinking problem and that she "hoped I learned my lesson." The more that I share the more that I realize there are very few entirely unique experiences and that someone else has gone through something similar.
The rejection I faced by the people I loved after my trauma was worse than the trauma itself. It took me years, YEARS, to finally not think about it everyday. To stop wondering why someone I loved so much be so cold. She couldn't deal with the emotional support that I needed after being raped so it was easier to just cut it out of her life.
Here's the story of what happened and how that song allowed me the perspective to forgive and heal.
I fall in love super fast. No- maybe medium fast. But quick. When I know I like someone I just like them completely. It doesn’t boil into intensity it’s more like a switch. It’s totally off and then it’s on. And when it’s on it’s fucking on. It’s very hard to finally turn off too. They have to do something horrible. I very rarely just lose interest. The following is a case study in what happens when you ignore every sign that someone is so utterly, horrifyingly wrong for you but you proceed anyways because they are hot. It is also a primer in Alt - Right politics for those who have no first hand knowledge.
In 2009 I released my first album, Mirrors. Two days before the big boxes of albums were shipped to my house I had been raped by two men. What followed was years of hellish self destruction, alcoholism, and shame that culminated in a suicide attempt in 2012. I write this now, about to release my first single, Judgement Day off of my new EP next month, four years sober today, the happiest I have ever been. Truly.
You can use gratitude to fix anything in your life. I am not kidding. Anything. Life is a game of perception. Once you start playing the game and see all the love in the world you can tap into by using gratitude you will build your trust in the sweetness of the Universe and life just feels better and better.
Why did I change my name to Jess Justice? Well, for one it felt right. To me Jess Justice stands for the truth. It stands for living in your truth whatever that might be for you at the time and embracing emotional honesty even when it's hard.